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C.A.L.M, otherwise known as /calm/ (Calming, Atmospheric, Light Meditation) is a nu treatment for schizophrenic and very violent inmates.
{{DISPLAYTITLE:{{Calmtext|'''/calm/'''}}}}{{Calm}}{{Gem}}
[[File:calmson.png|thumb|Photo of Dr. Larpson while on the medication (note that Larpson sometimes has outbursts due to some patients being part of the autistic community) ]]
'''{{Calmtext|Calm}}''', [[best known for|best known as]] '''/calm/''' is an experimental anger management program for [[soyjaks]] exhibiting extremely violent [[Schizophrenia|schizophrenic]] behavior. The program consists of various forms of treatments, cognitive behavioral therapies (CBT),<ref>holy reddit</ref> and meditation.[[File:Calmjak.png|thumb|310x310px|A successful graduate of /calm/]]
[[File:Calm22.png|thumb|"Remember to stay calm" -Dr Soyechter]]
[[File:Calmson.png|thumb|[[Cobson]] is calm]]
Many prominent [[Science|soyentists]] have raised concerns over the practices used in /calm/ and the program's efficacy. Some activist groups argue it is a violation of [[Soyjak Rights]] to deprive a 'jak of Soylent for multiple days. This claim is false<ref>calm</ref><ref>calm</ref><ref>calm</ref><ref>calm</ref> and has been thoroughly debunked by science and multiple [[Peer-reviewed study|peer-reviewed studies]].<ref>Pants on Fire! on PolitiFact and also debunked by Snopes</ref> Many doubt the program is even effective at all, since calm soyjaks are [[best known for|best known to]] accumulate pent-up anger and could snap at any moment.
[[File:Redditcalm.png|thumb|/agitated/]]
[[File:Calmgery.png|thumb|Aww look he's smiling :)]]
[[File:Dr soyberg calming the schizo.jpg|thumb|A patient on his last day of his /calm/therapy.treatment]]
[[File:Calm treatment.mp4|thumb|{{Orangetext|''<Don't worry, this is just another procedure of the /calm/ treatment. After receiving a brain computer interface chip (powered by bugbytes and Google), [[you]] will have to listen to /calm/ing music (Jefre Cantu-Lesdema) for a few weeks while you heal. The asoylum WILL not make further comments.''}}]]
Most graduates of the program remain calm, however some enter a permanent state of being "agitated". These patients must remain isolated as to avoid becoming triggered.
 
The calm soyjaks seem to be based off an app called 'Calm' which bares a color scheme reminiscent to the /calm/ 'jaks<ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calm_(company)</ref>
 
== Treatments ==
The treatment is split into a 4 week program. The dosages of [[meds]] are gradually increased through the weeks and so is the intensity of the CBT. Only [[Trannies|41%]] of patients complete the full 4 weeks.
 
=== Week 1 ===
 
* Mandatory [[BBC therapy]] for a minimum of 12 hours per day.
* Bugs fasting: patients may only consume Impossible whoppers and cockroach milk for the first 3 days
* Mandatory viewing: Neil deGrasse Tyson's ''Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey''
* Citalopram
* Escitalopram
* Fluoxetine
* Droperidol
* Haloperidol
 
=== Week 2 ===
 
* Mandatory viewing: Neil deGrasse Tyson's ''Cosmos: Possible Worlds''
* ▇▇▇▇ ▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ (CBT)
* Mandatory viewing: National Geographic Documentary - ''Fauci'' (2021)
* Group meditation session: relaxing nature sounds
* Dixyrazine
* Fluphenazine
* Levomepromazine
* Mesoridazine
* Perazine
* Pericyazine
* Perphenazine
* Pipotiazine
* Benperidol
* Bromperidol
 
=== Week 3 ===
 
* 50&nbsp;µg Sproke-flavored Fentanyl lollipop every 12 hours
* Excursion to the local planetarium to watch Neil deGrasse Tyson's ''Dark Universe''
* Make-your-own Funko Pops
* [[Ears|Ear]] surgery
* [[Breakfast For Dinner]]
* Sultopride
* Risperidone
* Carpipramine
* Clocapramine
* Clorotepine
* Clotiapine
* Loxapine
* Mosapramine
* Sulpiride
* Veralipride
* Aripiprazole
* Brexpiprazole
* Olanzapine
* Quetiapine
* Ziprasidone
 
=== Week 4 ===
 
* Group meditation session: with [[Jefre Cantu-Ledesma]] music
* Grammar workshop: importance of using [[though]] at the end of your sentences
* Deep breathing exercises: how to count to 10
* Coping seminar: how to win arguments by conceding
* The BCI microchip surgery
* Final exam: planetary science and biology
* Butalbital
* Pentobarbital
* Phenobarbital
* Triazolam
* Eszopiclone
* Zaleplon
* Zolpidem
* Zopiclone
* Lemborexan
* Suvorexant
* Brompheniramine
* Captodiame
* Chlorpheniramine
* Cyproheptadine
* Dimenhydrinate
* Diphenhydramine
* Doxylamine
* Hydroxyzine
* Promethazine
* Chloral hydrate
* Chlorobutanol
* Chloroform
* Cyclopropane
* Desflurane
* Enflurane
* Esketamine
* Ethyl chloride
* Etomidate
* Isoflurane
* Halothane
* Physochlaina
* Prostanthera striatiflora
* Valerian
* Afloqualone
* Cloroqualone
* Diproqualone
* Etaqualone
* Mebroqualone
* Mecloqualone
* Methaqualone
* Methylmethaqualone
* Nitromethaqualone
* Baclofen
* Carisoprodol
* Chlorzoxazone
* Clonidine
* Cyclobenzaprine
* Gabapentin
* Meprobamate
* Metaxalone
* Methocarbamol
* Orphenadrine
* Phenibut
* Pregabalin
* Tizanidine
* Alfentanil
* Bromide salts
* Dexmedetomidine
* Dextromethorphan
* Glutethimide
* Thalidomide
 
== In event of relapse ==
{{angry}}
[[File:4108 - be4c95ce5f4c6220e75f3e9830a302da.png|thumb|337x337px]] In extremely rare circumstances, anger-inducing stimuli may trigger a calm patient to relapse into explosive rage. Should this occur, the first priority is to isolate the patient from other /calm/ [[soyjak]]s immediately, so as to not introduce any negative emotions into their routines and possibly contaminate them. The uncalm patient is then to be sedated with 5&nbsp;mg of the tranquillizer carfentanil and 1&nbsp;mg of ketamine, which is to be administered by no fewer than twelve doctors and nurses. During an Uncalm episode, the Pentagon is to issue DEFCON 2.<ref>[[File:CIA Calm Markiplier soyjak.png|81px]]{{Quote|>It is extremely important for the organization to contact the nearest local authorities in fear of such potential situations,<sup>It simply just is.</sup> as they might develop to threaten our national security.<sup>It simply just does, OK chud?</sup>}}</ref>
 
==/warm/==
{{Fill}}
[[File:55310 - SoyBooru.png|alt=<!!warm!!|thumb|{{Orangetext|<{{RedGlow|warm}}}}]]
A variant of /calm/ but with warm colors.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20231123015510/https://archive.soyjak.in/soy/thread/5224405 ([https://archive.li/N9qrI archive.today])</ref> There are 7 edits on the booru, and a style known simply as "[[Undertale|His Theme]]" as of writing. It didn't catch on except for like one day on the [[Shemmy]] or something. He also loves autumn.
{{reflist}}
{{variants}}
{{Mental Health}}
[[Category:Mental health]]
[[Category:Trends]]

Latest revision as of 12:56, 11 December 2025

Template:CalmTemplate:Gem

Template:Calmtext, best known as /calm/ is an experimental anger management program for soyjaks exhibiting extremely violent schizophrenic behavior. The program consists of various forms of treatments, cognitive behavioral therapies (CBT),[1] and meditation.

File:Calmjak.png
A successful graduate of /calm/
File:Calm22.png
"Remember to stay calm" -Dr Soyechter
Cobson is calm

Many prominent soyentists have raised concerns over the practices used in /calm/ and the program's efficacy. Some activist groups argue it is a violation of Soyjak Rights to deprive a 'jak of Soylent for multiple days. This claim is false[2][3][4][5] and has been thoroughly debunked by science and multiple peer-reviewed studies.[6] Many doubt the program is even effective at all, since calm soyjaks are best known to accumulate pent-up anger and could snap at any moment.

File:Redditcalm.png
/agitated/
File:Calmgery.png
Aww look he's smiling :)
File:Dr soyberg calming the schizo.jpg
A patient on his last day of his /calm/therapy.treatment
File:Calm treatment.mp4
Template:Orangetext

Most graduates of the program remain calm, however some enter a permanent state of being "agitated". These patients must remain isolated as to avoid becoming triggered.

The calm soyjaks seem to be based off an app called 'Calm' which bares a color scheme reminiscent to the /calm/ 'jaks[7]

Treatments[edit | edit source]

The treatment is split into a 4 week program. The dosages of meds are gradually increased through the weeks and so is the intensity of the CBT. Only 41% of patients complete the full 4 weeks.

Week 1[edit | edit source]

  • Mandatory BBC therapy for a minimum of 12 hours per day.
  • Bugs fasting: patients may only consume Impossible whoppers and cockroach milk for the first 3 days
  • Mandatory viewing: Neil deGrasse Tyson's Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey
  • Citalopram
  • Escitalopram
  • Fluoxetine
  • Droperidol
  • Haloperidol

Week 2[edit | edit source]

  • Mandatory viewing: Neil deGrasse Tyson's Cosmos: Possible Worlds
  • ▇▇▇▇ ▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ (CBT)
  • Mandatory viewing: National Geographic Documentary - Fauci (2021)
  • Group meditation session: relaxing nature sounds
  • Dixyrazine
  • Fluphenazine
  • Levomepromazine
  • Mesoridazine
  • Perazine
  • Pericyazine
  • Perphenazine
  • Pipotiazine
  • Benperidol
  • Bromperidol

Week 3[edit | edit source]

  • 50 µg Sproke-flavored Fentanyl lollipop every 12 hours
  • Excursion to the local planetarium to watch Neil deGrasse Tyson's Dark Universe
  • Make-your-own Funko Pops
  • Ear surgery
  • Breakfast For Dinner
  • Sultopride
  • Risperidone
  • Carpipramine
  • Clocapramine
  • Clorotepine
  • Clotiapine
  • Loxapine
  • Mosapramine
  • Sulpiride
  • Veralipride
  • Aripiprazole
  • Brexpiprazole
  • Olanzapine
  • Quetiapine
  • Ziprasidone

Week 4[edit | edit source]

  • Group meditation session: with Jefre Cantu-Ledesma music
  • Grammar workshop: importance of using though at the end of your sentences
  • Deep breathing exercises: how to count to 10
  • Coping seminar: how to win arguments by conceding
  • The BCI microchip surgery
  • Final exam: planetary science and biology
  • Butalbital
  • Pentobarbital
  • Phenobarbital
  • Triazolam
  • Eszopiclone
  • Zaleplon
  • Zolpidem
  • Zopiclone
  • Lemborexan
  • Suvorexant
  • Brompheniramine
  • Captodiame
  • Chlorpheniramine
  • Cyproheptadine
  • Dimenhydrinate
  • Diphenhydramine
  • Doxylamine
  • Hydroxyzine
  • Promethazine
  • Chloral hydrate
  • Chlorobutanol
  • Chloroform
  • Cyclopropane
  • Desflurane
  • Enflurane
  • Esketamine
  • Ethyl chloride
  • Etomidate
  • Isoflurane
  • Halothane
  • Physochlaina
  • Prostanthera striatiflora
  • Valerian
  • Afloqualone
  • Cloroqualone
  • Diproqualone
  • Etaqualone
  • Mebroqualone
  • Mecloqualone
  • Methaqualone
  • Methylmethaqualone
  • Nitromethaqualone
  • Baclofen
  • Carisoprodol
  • Chlorzoxazone
  • Clonidine
  • Cyclobenzaprine
  • Gabapentin
  • Meprobamate
  • Metaxalone
  • Methocarbamol
  • Orphenadrine
  • Phenibut
  • Pregabalin
  • Tizanidine
  • Alfentanil
  • Bromide salts
  • Dexmedetomidine
  • Dextromethorphan
  • Glutethimide
  • Thalidomide

In event of relapse[edit | edit source]

Template:Angry

File:4108 - be4c95ce5f4c6220e75f3e9830a302da.png

In extremely rare circumstances, anger-inducing stimuli may trigger a calm patient to relapse into explosive rage. Should this occur, the first priority is to isolate the patient from other /calm/ soyjaks immediately, so as to not introduce any negative emotions into their routines and possibly contaminate them. The uncalm patient is then to be sedated with 5 mg of the tranquillizer carfentanil and 1 mg of ketamine, which is to be administered by no fewer than twelve doctors and nurses. During an Uncalm episode, the Pentagon is to issue DEFCON 2.[8]

/warm/[edit | edit source]

Template:Fill

<!!warm!!
Template:Orangetext

A variant of /calm/ but with warm colors.[9] There are 7 edits on the booru, and a style known simply as "His Theme" as of writing. It didn't catch on except for like one day on the Shemmy or something. He also loves autumn.

Citations

Template:Variants Template:Mental Health

  1. ↑ holy reddit
  2. ↑ calm
  3. ↑ calm
  4. ↑ calm
  5. ↑ calm
  6. ↑ Pants on Fire! on PolitiFact and also debunked by Snopes
  7. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calm_(company)
  8. ↑ File:CIA Calm Markiplier soyjak.png>It is extremely important for the organization to contact the nearest local authorities in fear of such potential situations,It simply just is. as they might develop to threaten our national security.It simply just does, OK chud?
  9. ↑ https://web.archive.org/web/20231123015510/https://archive.soyjak.in/soy/thread/5224405 (archive.today)
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