Patient-013
Patient file ID: 013
Threat level: Soyfe
Prescribed medication: 4 doses of BBC day (in bulk) and a 60/40 Coke Sprite ratio Sproke served with his Fauci approved bug burgers.
[DOCTOR'S NOTE: SPROKE RATIO SHOULDN'T BE ANY DIFFERENT THAN THE ONE PRESCRIBED, OR ELSE PATIENT WILL START EMITTING SULFUR FROM HIS HAIR]
Patient Procedures
The patient is contained in a 3x3x3 white padded isolation room within the Soysylum, with nothing but a bed and a television playing mainstream media 24/7. One guard should be stationed at the room's door from 01:09 until 06:00, patient seems suspicious during these hours. Food should be thrown by the ceiling window from which he will also be mindbeamed with a frequency of ϪϪϪ Hz. Patient should only wear his black-red T-shirt with his Soyjak.party medal, in order to maintain general emotional stability. Jarty, Shemmy, Swinny and Discord users are recommended not to be within the reach of his eyes.
Description
Patient 013 is a blonde, 5'9" terminally online teenager who is a frequent user of the website Soyjak.party. He seems to be showing normal human behaviour except one special emotional function he has, for which he also was flagged for and put in the Soysylum. It is called "Clitty Leakage". Whenever the patient comes in contact with Soyjak.party splinter culture/users or Discord culture/users, surprisingly he ignores their horrid smell and experiences fluid leakage from his -of significantly small size- reproductive system, while his face turns bright red and his nose starts shedding blood, in the form of a sprinkler. Further experimentation on what else causes him clitty leakages and how clitty leakages work is required. Maybe Dr. Fauci science willing will release a peer-reviewed study on xim.
Recommended Treatment Schedule
The patient will reside in the Soysylum for 3 months, and daily he will follow the following schedule:
06:00: Wakey wakey, Natey boy.
06:01 : Breakfast drop from ceiling, with his medically approved 60/40 C/S Sproke
06:10 : Extensive BBC therapy by Dr. Soystein, med students will watch every Shabbat.
10:40 : Replace subject's TV with a computer, with internet access. Since xe will instinctively go to Soyjak.party, keep xim on the computer for 3 hours. If he posts coal on the 'log then he will be rewarded by reducing his mindbeam frequency by 0.0000145 Hz. If he posts a gem on the 'log he will be punished by increasing his mindbeam frequency by 0.0000145 Hz. If patient starts praising Israel and the Jews, mindbeams will completely stop beaming at him for 1 minute. If he says something anti-semetic, his computer will be taken away, the TV will come back and until the 3-hour mark passes, he will stay and watch his Asylum provided TV.
13:40 : Lunch drop from ceiling, with his medically approved 60/40 C/S Sproke
13:50 : Subject's unique function of "Clitty Leakage" will be experimented with, using Jartycuck test subjects and other terminally online patients
18:50 : Therapy result test. Nate will take a test where he will be asked how he feels about certain things and what he thinks about certain things. Optimal results are at the end of his stay to be 88.14% similar to that of a reddit user's. Moreover, the daily results will be put on a graph and depicted in a heck'n wholesome peer-reviewed graph, of which Nate will get a copy if he gets cured.
21:00 : Force Nate to watch mainstream news for 2 hours routinely, and if his test results score lower than last day, make it 2.5 hours.
23:00-23:30 : Dinner drop from ceiling, with his medically approved 60/40 C/S Sproke
23:39 : Sleepy time for Nate
01:09 : As stated previously in the document, Nate should be guarded from that time 'till he gets woken up, since he has weird sleepwalking incidents, where he tries to unlock the room's door.
Incident 383-C
Nate, in the 3rd day of his stay had a weird clitty leakage phenomenon during the 4th hour of the experimentation. Dr. Nophono wanted to test if he could put up a fight with Nate during a clitty leakage. So, Dr. Nophono started talking to Nate about how he goons to Soytan and how she is actually a gemerald (no one dared to say this, ever). This angered Nate so much, that a tier-5 leakage started to happen. Extreme fluid output, immense nosebleed, purple face. Nate's arm veins were finally visible, something every doctor in the Soysylum unanimously agreed was impossible, his mouth started to drool foam. In a fit of rage, Nate threw ximself to Dr. Nophono, tore off his limbs and bit his neck. Nate started eating Dr. Nophono's fingers like french fries, while whispering under his breath: "Soytan WNBAG..". The doctors all left the testing hall out of fear and managed to get Nate back to his room by setting up a gem trap in the room (works every time).
