The Slowburn

This page might be about an anomalous object, discuss

The slowburn is a heart-stopping, genre-defining, bonetingling A24 masterpiece type phenomenon evident within soyish communities everywhere. This anomaly occurs whenever a new, media-literate movie (most frequently marvel) or videogame (most frequently dogshit) masterpiece is released. On this event gorillions of man-children everywhere (America) collectively "soyface" upon watching/playing the new media during the entirety of its run. The opposite effect can be observed on the rare occasion a "conservative" or "good" product is released, upon which these soyboys make a collective rapeface instead.

Tragedy

On February 25th, 2024, respected IDF soldier and notorious soyboy Aaron Bushnell felt the ultimate effects of the slowburn. Upon watching politically correct "madam web" on his phone outside of the Embassy of Israel, Aaron soyed too hard and spontaneously combusted into a weed-scented fireball.

This event was quickly covered up by the agency who quickly photoshopped in the gasoline and posted the video all over X (formerly Twitter.com) to make it seem more believable.

Moving Forward

After this incident it became painfully clear to everyone involved that; as the water only gets more estrogenized, incidents like this will become only more and more frequent. As future happenings of spontaneous soybustion occur, the agency's moved forward with its censoring plan by utilizing facts and logic.

Upon the death of the soyboy, operatives will quickly move in and fabricate a "coming out" post using 'shop to paste a brightly-colored wig on a picture of the victims face. Soyboys (dorks) are commonly associated with trooning out, so the post and announcement of the victim's suicide shortly thereafter by some of our CIA controlled "trans" dummy accounts will come as a shock to no one.