Patient-59Ϫ5

Item#: Patient-59Ϫ5

Object Class: Keter

Patient-59Ϫ5 (non anomalous)

Special Containment Procedures: As of Feburary 2022, Patient-59Ϫ5 is considered uncontainable. Management of Patient-59Ϫ5 is the only remaining option. Foundation agents are to infiltrate the janitoral staff of the message board 4Channel whereupon agents are to remove all instances of Patient-59Ϫ5 and issue a ban plea to the poster. The boards of highest priority for infiltration are /bant/ – International/Random, /g/ – Technology, and /a/ – Anime & Manga. If possible, bans are to be followed up in real life by MTF Rho-1 ("The Professors"), disgused as CIA agents, who are to track down the physical address of these posters and neutralize them under the guise of plotting a terrorist attack.

Addendum 19/11/2021: The deletion of /qa/ – Question & Answer, the former primary infection vector for Patient-59Ϫ5, has slightly impeded the spread of Patient-59Ϫ5, but it is not likely to last long. –Dr. Ryans

Description: Patient-59Ϫ5 is a cognitohazardous internet meme depicting a middle aged man with an open mouth symbolizing inauthentic excitement. Exposure to Patient-59Ϫ5 for a period longer than 10 minutes will result in the exposed individual becoming an instance of Patient-59Ϫ5-1. These instances will lose all forms of higher consciousness and will shortly begin spamming Patient-59Ϫ5 images, typically by quoting another poster as if to mock what the other poster is saying; however, Patient-59Ϫ5-1 instances have also been known to quote any stimulus provided to them seemingly at random (See: Document #Ϫ-1). Aside from a set of specific words, Patient-59Ϫ5-1 instances cannot communicate in English or any other language. They will occasionally engage in an activity resembling a spectator sport which involves two or more Patient-59Ϫ5-1 instances quoting each other with Patient-59Ϫ55 variants until only one remains. These events seem to create more variants of Patient-59Ϫ5 and are therefore to be avoided at all costs.