Patient-100

Asylum Patient

ID:	100
Name:	Rick [REDACTED]
Threat level:	Soyclid
Filed:	Jun 5, 2024
By:	Dr. Soyteen

Patient File ID: 100

Threat Level: Soyclid

Prescribed medication: Any Nintendo-branded paraphernalia Eg: His Nintendo Switch

Containment Procedure

Patient-100 has to be kept confined within his cell at all times, except during feeding time. Make sure his Nintendo™ consoles, especially his Nintendo Switch™, are functional or breach of containment is to be expected in the next few hours.

Description

Patient-100 is a caucasoid male in his forties. He is also an avid fan of Nintendo. Other physical aspects of note include his glasses, his beard, his stache and the general lack of clothes at any given time. Any attempt made to keep him from being completely nude has failed and resulted in containment breach.

He is often seen wearing a newsboy cap with the letter "M" marked on it. Every attempt made to discover or assess what that "M" stands for have only ended in frustration for the staff.

Addendum

When initially captured, patient-100 was found with this ripped note in hand.

My name is Rick, I am a 40 years old Nintendrone and a manchild. Today, I'll tell you my story.

I went to a guy's house who claims to sell old refurbished Mario games in NY city. The trip took 1 hour, after that 1 hour I finally arrived to his house. I rung the bell and the door opened, I was invited inside.

I was half-surprised to see that he indeed did have a buttload of Mario games. Some were as old as Super Mario Bros 3 and Super Mario World and others were as new as Super Mario Odyssey, but one game caught my attention, it was a case with its cover missing which was replaced by a sheet of paper with "New Super Mario Bros for the WII" written on it. I asked the clerk about it and he said that the cover was missing, so he added the sheet of paper. Curious, but I didn't think much of it. My old copy of New Super Mario Bros WII was scratched and unreadable, but I always wanted to relive the nostalgia, so I asked him for the price, it costed barely 10 dollars. Again, curious, but I accepted the trade. I bought some more games that are irrelevant to the story and then went back home.

Once at home I told my best friend Tony about the game via Discord and asked him if he wanted to play with me. He said that he had some free time the next Sunday, but I wasn't going to wait patiently until Sunday to play the game. I decided to just plug my WII and play the damn thing. Curiously, there was something wrong with the game when I was on its channel on the WII menu like it's different from what I remember. I couldn't put my finger on it, eh maybe I'm misremembering things. I started the game and nothing unusual happened, then I started a new game and still nothing. I was greeted by the cutscene where Peach gets kidnapped by Bowser JR. and the koopalings like I remember, after which I was finally allowed to play.

I started the first level and while everything seemed normal, after hitting a question mark block, a white, bare of any texture, mushroom came out of it, my first thought was the disc was old, so maybe it was badly damaged and couldn't render textures properly, so yeah whatever. Touching the mushroom froze the game for a moment with a screeching sound before resuming as normal, I yelled "Fuck you!" as I had never been this jumpscared before, but atleast Mario was now Super and could survive one hit from the enemies.

I continued playing. It was fun playing, but noticed every question mark block with items in them had this white textureless mushroom, touching it only gave me points which was normal behaviour, and yet...

I'm resuming the text of my diary here because I reached level 1-4 and something odd happened, when I got hit by an enemy the game froze with screeching noise again, but then Super Mario didn't become his smaller variant, instead the coin count reset. Oh well, I thought. I got hit again in the same level and the same thing happened, minus the game freezing with that horrible sound.

In level 1-6 I noticed graphical artifacts and bugged tiles, that wasn't fun, died a few times. Mario returned to his original smaller form whenever this happened. I still picked one of those white mushrooms out of impulse each time, but now I realise I shouldn't have done that.

After a while I finally reached 1-Castle which was almost unplayable far worse than 1-6, onward. Did I tell you the game somehow broke down more and more? The music was ear-screeching, most the tiles were placed completely randomly, etc. I called for a quit and hoped the game wouldn't fuck up that badly the next time I play it. (Optimism is stupid.)

Sunday arrived and Tony barged-in. I pretended everything was fine and decided to play the game with him as promised, he would play as Luigi and I would play as Mario. When I boot up the console and then selected the game, the channel had that disc spinning animation that was going on for minutes, my friend worried the game didn't work, but it finally switched to the New Super Mario Bros WII animation thingy and I was finally allowed to play it.

On the main menu, I tried to select the 2 players mode, but it crashed the game. We both tried that option several times, but each time the game would crash. I just said "Fuck it" and instead played New Super Mario U for the WII U with my friend, we were both disappointed.

The next day, my curiosity got the best of me and so I tried to play the game again. The game worked normally this time and I could play ASAP. Mario was still near the castle where I left him. Unsurprisingly, it was completely fucked up this time too, but the castle wasn't anything special, it was a straight line all the way thru until I get to the koopaling, no obstacle and no pit to fall into the lava underneath.

I went to the second world and there I noticed something weird, Mario had several lumps on his back, I didn't notice it before because he was moving sideways, whatever. I started the first desert level and the game didn't freak out for fucking once. By that point I stopped collecting those white mushrooms, but a thought lingers in my mind, how do I get the star coins if I can't obtain and use the propeller mushroom? I forgot to mention, but Toad houses are a no-go, they all disappeared from the moment I played level 1-3 and no new one wants to show up, I can't even rescue Toads like I normally would if I had a normal functioning copy of the game.

As I was running thru the level, I noticed that Mario would knock off enemies as if he had a power star, so that made the level easier than it needed to be, but whatever I'm getting tired of this bullshit.

Mario could even knock off spike balls and those fireballs looking motherfuckers. Welp that did stop surprising me. There was definitely something too weird going on with the disc to be just a scratch. I took my telephone and started recording because I'm not one of those retards from those horror stories who never keep track of anything.

I'm just going to stop writing now and continue playing.

Alright, Rick here. After a brief pause, I pressed on my journey. World 3 felt weird, like something was missing, but I just couldn't put my finger on it. The music that plays in each level now ends abrutly and stay silent the entire level! As if the game wasn't already unsettling enough as it! I had stopped hitting any question mark block for fear to see that abomination again, but after the tower level, all the question mark blocks were replaced by brick blocks. Yep, another weird shit to add to my list.

I reached world 4 and now Mario curls whenever he jumps, it looks very bugged and weird as fuck. Also whenever he jumps, a singular continuous sound plays which is absolutely fucking painful and made me lower the TV's volume. I also noticed that if Mario curls he shortly becomes invincible and kills everything he touches. Okay, besides that the usual shenanigans like the coin count reset and the geometry that bugs and turns to shit every now and then are still there. Oh and the koopalings in this castle onward were all replaced by flagpoles LOL.

I finally reached world 6 and this has turned for the worst. World 6 in this game looked nothing like the world 6 in the REAL game! Loops everywhere, enemies on the map that I had never seen before who looked like gross mutants from DOOM and the environment, completely deformed and alien. This was a warning, but my curiosity got the better of me and I pressed on to see what would come next. The glitchy levels were even more abundant in numbers and yet they were more stable. By the time I reached the castle which looked more "modern", Mario had now 3 long spikes protubing from his back.

Hello again, I finally reached world 8 and all the levels were gone, except for the castle, so I entered it to find that it was nothing, but a long hallway all the way to the boss kinda like those little Timmy levels made in Mario Maker 2. Anyways I reached Bowser, I tried to jump over him, but he was too big, so I touched him in midair, but like this makes Mario kill enemies instead of doing anything to Mario you know, so the turtlefuck died immediately and fell to the lava and the princess was saved, but she didn't look like the lovely princess we all know and love, she was stretched out so far out I couldn't see her face, but worst of all Mario then shouted "Got-a go fast, yahoo!", immediately I chucked my telephone at the TV which caught on fire and now I'm on the streets.

Fuck you whoever sold me that shitty game, I'll never forgive you!

Addendum 2

██████ is underway to retrieve the anomalous object. Detectives have been dispatched to determine where patient-100 lived.

Additional efforts were put into finding where he bought the game from as the previous owner could [DATA EXPUNGED]