Patient-364
Patient File ID: 364
Threat Level: Safe
Prescribed Medication: Stress meds, Soylent, large leaves, and the occasional bowl of bug cereal (dry)
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| ID: | 364 |
| Name: | Soy Snails |
| Threat level: | Safe |
| Filed: | 12/11/2025 |
| By: | Dr. Brightburg |
Patient Description[edit | edit source]
Patient-364 are a group of Helix pomatia with one key difference: A mouth with teeth and human eyes in a perpetual soyface, the snails have shown the ability to communicate fluently in French, but are capable of speaking basic conversational English. The personality of the Patient-364 specimens are in line with common soyboy character traits. (Preferring Soylent over solid food, a willingness to eat the bugs, a focus on political correctness, an obsession for superhero films, and repeating whatever is the current thing) Despite this, all 6 instances of Patient-364 have varying personality traits and interests.
Patient-364-A: Seemingly the leader of the group. He is the only instance of 364 that can speak English
Patient-364-B: An artist of sorts, he has used the hemolymph of bugs we feed them and Soylent to draw crude art pieces of various Marvel superheros.
Patient-364-C: The outcast of the group, prefers DC media instead of Marvel and generally stays in his own corner of the enclosure.
Patient-364-D: Avid globalist, often found debating with other snails about total submission to the WEF and living in the pods (The facial features on this snail are consistent with the "feraljak" archetype)
Patient-364-E: Has an interest in architecture, can often be seen constructing huts out of debris.
Patient-364-F: Other then strict veganism, no defining personality traits.
Soypecial Containment Procedures[edit | edit source]
Specimens are to be kept in a 75-gallon terrarium with a humidity of 70% to 80% Coir/Coconut substrate and Tradescantia zebrina (Wandering Jew) planted in the enclosure. Staff are to spray the enclosure with water once a day and temperature is to be controlled and kept at 72°F. Oyster Shell flakes are to be sprinkled into substrate every month for calcium. All of this is in accordance with standard snail keeping procedure, the snails are significantly easier to take care of as they are sentient and will not over eat and can voice concerns. A small bowl with Soylent is to be kept on one side of the terrarium with the handcrafted Soylent dispensing mechanism created by Intern Soyramowitz positioned above the bowl and the room the terrarium resides in is to hold the individual funko pop collection of each snail and a large flat screen TV should be in full view from inside the terrarium. Demands for funko pops and for staff to play Rick and Morty or Superhero movies on the television are to be granted. Other requests are to be evaluated by senior staff.
Treatment[edit | edit source]
Anti-Stress medication is to be diluted into the soylent fed to them. Should the demand for bugs arise staff are to prepare a small bowl of crushed insects (crickets and mealworms) and present it to the specimens.
