Patient-1996: Difference between revisions
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Xe is to be contained in a 3 kilometer by 3 kilometer perimeter, secured with white-painted oak fences. A special skybox is to be erected (5 km x 5km x 3km) made of glass, with an overlaying film. | Xe is to be contained in a 3 kilometer by 3 kilometer perimeter, secured with white-painted oak fences. A special skybox is to be erected (5 km x 5km x 3km) made of glass, with an overlaying film. | ||
An artificial light is to be hoisted onto a crane to simulate the sun, with natural light supplementing the night. Artificial trees are to be planted to give more of an illusion of space. Speakers playing Pink Floyd's album, Atom Heart ■■■■■■, are to be | An artificial light is to be hoisted onto a crane to simulate the sun, with natural light supplementing the night. Artificial trees are to be planted to give more of an illusion of space. Speakers playing Pink Floyd's album, Atom Heart ■■■■■■, are to be hidden, surrounding the perimeter. | ||
Every 2 weeks, a randomly selected intern WILL enter the facility. They WILL dress in a rancher's outfit, and they WILL wear noise-canceling headphones. They WILL restock the hopper with bugfeed. They WILL check the pond. They WILL drop the meds in the pond. They WILL note everything they see. They WILL maintain distance of at least 6 feet from Patient-1996. Most importantly, they WILL take the booster after they've finished the entire procedure. | Every 2 weeks, a randomly selected intern WILL enter the facility. They WILL dress in a rancher's outfit, and they WILL wear noise-canceling headphones. They WILL restock the hopper with bugfeed. They WILL check the pond. They WILL drop the meds in the pond. They WILL note everything they see. They WILL maintain distance of at least 6 feet from Patient-1996. Most importantly, they WILL take the booster after they've finished the entire procedure. | ||
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Team Foxtrot-13 "Cobblestone" arrived on the scene at 1532. The following is an audio log, transcribed from Captain Nojak's radio. | Team Foxtrot-13 "Cobblestone" arrived on the scene at 1532. The following is an audio log, transcribed from Captain Nojak's radio. | ||
[ | === Audio Log === | ||
Overlord-Soylent: Check. | |||
Cpt. Nojak: Check. | |||
Overlord-Soylent: All systems are good. Proceed to the checkpoint. | |||
[15:36 The team reaches Site Omega] | |||
Cpl. Soyfeld: Did you guys hear that? | |||
Cpl. Frausoy: Negative. | |||
Cpt. Nojak: Weapons ready! | |||
[Indistinct noises] | |||
Cpl. Frausoy: Did he jus- That can't be- I don't think a Chud sounds like that. | |||
Patient-1996: ■■■■■■. | |||
Cpl. Frausoy: Who said that? | |||
Cpl. Soyfeld: Show yourself, coward! | |||
Patient-1996: ■■■■■■. | |||
[Patient-1996 repeats this phrase for Ϫ minutes] | |||
Cpl. Soyfeld: Where. Is! THE NOISE! COMING FROM? | |||
Pvt. Soys: I can't take it anymore! | |||
[Gunshot] | |||
Cpl. Soyfeld: Heck. | |||
Cpt. Nojak: Overlord-Soylent, this is Foxtrot 13-1. We got a self-inflicted casualty. | |||
Overlord-Soylent: Flush out the street. | |||
Cpt. Nojak: Soyfeld! Deploy smokes! Team, fall back! | |||
Patient-1996: ■■■■■■. ■■■■■■. | |||
Cpl. Frausoy: Fuck it. | |||
[Automatic gunfire] | |||
Cpt. Nojak: Hold your fire! | |||
Patient-1996: ■■■■■■. | |||
Patient-1996-1: Cracker. | |||
[Hooves stomping the ground] | |||
Cpt. Nojak: Wait a minute… is that cow sentient? | |||
Cpt. Nojak: Overlord-Soylent, requesting a cargo truck. | |||
Overlord-Soylent: Granted. | |||
[END OF AUDIO LOG] | |||
Revision as of 04:19, 9 February 2024
Class: Chuddy
 | |
| ID: | 1996 |
| Name: | Nigger Cow |
| Threat level: | Moderate |
| Filed: | Feb 9 2024 |
| By: | SprokemowerMan |
Description
Patient-1996 is a Brown Guernsey Cow.
Containment Procedure
Xe is to be contained in a 3 kilometer by 3 kilometer perimeter, secured with white-painted oak fences. A special skybox is to be erected (5 km x 5km x 3km) made of glass, with an overlaying film.
An artificial light is to be hoisted onto a crane to simulate the sun, with natural light supplementing the night. Artificial trees are to be planted to give more of an illusion of space. Speakers playing Pink Floyd's album, Atom Heart ■■■■■■, are to be hidden, surrounding the perimeter.
Every 2 weeks, a randomly selected intern WILL enter the facility. They WILL dress in a rancher's outfit, and they WILL wear noise-canceling headphones. They WILL restock the hopper with bugfeed. They WILL check the pond. They WILL drop the meds in the pond. They WILL note everything they see. They WILL maintain distance of at least 6 feet from Patient-1996. Most importantly, they WILL take the booster after they've finished the entire procedure.
Addendum
In a village in England, local police heard reports about an invisible chud shouting hate speech at the populace. Local police were dispatched, but the situation quickly grew out of control. The Asoylum Foundation was contacted about this "invisible chud"
Team Foxtrot-13 "Cobblestone" arrived on the scene at 1532. The following is an audio log, transcribed from Captain Nojak's radio.
Audio Log
Overlord-Soylent: Check.
Cpt. Nojak: Check.
Overlord-Soylent: All systems are good. Proceed to the checkpoint.
[15:36 The team reaches Site Omega]
Cpl. Soyfeld: Did you guys hear that?
Cpl. Frausoy: Negative.
Cpt. Nojak: Weapons ready!
[Indistinct noises]
Cpl. Frausoy: Did he jus- That can't be- I don't think a Chud sounds like that.
Patient-1996: ■■■■■■.
Cpl. Frausoy: Who said that?
Cpl. Soyfeld: Show yourself, coward!
Patient-1996: ■■■■■■.
[Patient-1996 repeats this phrase for Ϫ minutes]
Cpl. Soyfeld: Where. Is! THE NOISE! COMING FROM?
Pvt. Soys: I can't take it anymore!
[Gunshot]
Cpl. Soyfeld: Heck.
Cpt. Nojak: Overlord-Soylent, this is Foxtrot 13-1. We got a self-inflicted casualty.
Overlord-Soylent: Flush out the street.
Cpt. Nojak: Soyfeld! Deploy smokes! Team, fall back!
Patient-1996: ■■■■■■. ■■■■■■.
Cpl. Frausoy: Fuck it.
[Automatic gunfire]
Cpt. Nojak: Hold your fire!
Patient-1996: ■■■■■■.
Patient-1996-1: Cracker.
[Hooves stomping the ground]
Cpt. Nojak: Wait a minute… is that cow sentient?
Cpt. Nojak: Overlord-Soylent, requesting a cargo truck.
Overlord-Soylent: Granted.
[END OF AUDIO LOG]
