OBJ-888

Anomalous Object

ID:	888
Name:	Hyperborea, Aryanheaven
Threat level:	Sootclid
Filed:	October 29, 1932
By:	Dr. Louie

Object File ID: 888

Threat Level: Sootclid

Object Procedures

In cooperation with UN Peacekeepers and the New World Order, all access within 30 km of the North Pole is blocked without prior authorization from the Soysylum. All "photos" of tourists at the North Pole are to be staged, and all satellite imagery is to be colored over with a white pencil in MS Paint. If anyone uninformed of OBJ-888 asks why this is the case, insist that travel to the North Pole is dangerous because of global warming. If anyone tries to attempt entry to OBJ-888's location anyway, various soynomalies, aerosolized schizo meds, holograms, and master-baiter misdirection techniques are to be deployed to make people think they're going straight when in reality they're walking on a curved path away from the containment zone. These containment procedures have been 99% effective at securing OBJ-888, as flat earth chudcels never venture past their bedroom door, let alone to the poles.

Object Description

OBJ-888 is an extradimensional gateway centered on the northernmost point on the Earth, shaped as a 1km-wide swastika-shaped hole in the ice, rotating on its center at a rate of 1 rotation per hour. OBJ-888 appears to go into the earth at a depth of 100 meters, after which Vsevolod Ivanov's painting The Exodus of the Hyperboreans appears to be visible through the hole. During night, OBJ-888 is seen to be glowing from within, despite no light being detected by soyientific instruments.  

Despite the New World Order's best attempts, this symbol of hate is seemingly impervious to large explosions, excavation, and attempting to import 6 thrembatrannyillion Muslims and Central Africans from alternate dimensions to refugeemaxx there. OBJ-888 mends its shape fully within 1 spin cycle. Even if we did try harder, blowing up OBJ-888's site with warheads would cause a heccin' climate crisis, which would kill off all the wholesome 100 polarbear-erinos and would also destroy our Soysylum black site for Ancient Nordic Alien research.

It is theorized that Hitler did not actually kill himself; now-censored historical documents suggest he actually created the portal to OBJ-888's dimension in order for him and his associates to escape there before the Allies could leak his clitty in the Nuremberg Trials. To date, no unironic neonazis and stormfront pissbabies have been spotted in any other soy-afterlifes (not even niggerhell where they belong), so it is assumed that OBJ-888 is ███████████.

Any manmade constructions in OBJ-888's spin-path appear to fall into the hole, then relocate after the swastika's arms passes over it. So far, (almost) all attempts for folx to enter OBJ-888 end in the pxrson being teleported out of the hole back to their original location once they reach the 100 meter depth mark, while holding what appears to be a receipt in xheir hand. The receipt itself is printed on what is chemically confirmed to be gold-leaf thermal paper; said receipt contains a notes section that is usually antagonistic in writing, and always comes with a section for genetics test results. The accuracy of the genetics test has ranged from spot-on to verifiable bullshit. Transcripts of the receipts are listed in testing logs.

Testing Logs

As part of Dr. Louie's yearly entertainment budgets, a handful of patients and mobilization lottery winners were selected to test OBJ-888 in order to determine requirements for entry as well as potential methods to bypass the genetics check, under the guise of an all-inclusive cruise to the Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse™ sponsored Hyperborea portal. The results are as follows.

TESTING LOGS Expand

Name	Description	Genetics Result	Note	Addendum
Soyov Jack	A current tenant at one of our $10,000/month luxurious 10 square meter Soysylum communal pods in San Francisco.	68% Irish, 32% French	DENIED. Bald, negative canthal tilt, 5'5, slave to greed and gluttony, worships corporate america, self-unaware liberal, failed man, likes to watch. Go back to coonsooming Funko Pop and getting excited for next Funko Pop, faggot.
Nick Kiggers	A caucasian-presenting chudcel wearing a totenkopf and swastika t-shirt, surprise relocated from the /pol/ convention.	28% Mediterranian, 43% Italian, 8% German Jew, 10% Mexican, 6% Mulatto, and 5% Alabaman Hick.	DENIED. Skinnyfat, obsessed with FPE, only showers once per week, jerks off to Murder Drones secretly, tried to kill himself but chickened out, lazy, has never done a noble action in his life. Sorry Chuddy Buddy, we're whiter than you.
Patient-056	Instance recovered from around Russia, Ohio, 45363	29% native American (Nahuatl), 15% Bantu, 26% Jewish, 19% Hindustani, 11% Argentinian.	DENIED. Morbidly obese (789 pounds), IQ score of 78, prominent negroid features, no critical thinking skills, debatable humanity status, brapped pants during entry, has IBS, stomach detected to contain Red 40, hydrogenated soybean oil, and high fructose corn syrup. Get outta here, amerifatty, you will never be white. Your ancestors died in WW2 to create a blacker nigger than even an african.
Patient-1488	Confirmed to be hosting an instance of OBJ-1488.	55% Maori (New Zealand Polynesian), 25% Romani (South Asian/European mix), 12% Hmong (Southeast Asian hill tribes), 8% Yakut (Indigenous Siberian).	DENIED. You are aryan in soul, but not in body. You are no pure vessel. Begone, for you are a truecel and will never be white.	While Patient-1488 was falling into OBJ-888, it was seen that his OBJ-1488 instance burst out of his head and flew into the extradimensional gateway without returning, destroying his skull and killing him instantly. OBJ-1488 was then tracked 2 hours later to have parasitized another subject in ███████, Brazil, who was then reclaimed by the Soysylum.
Patient-041	'sylum's resident tranny, assigned to see OBJ-888 as a form of exposure therapy.	14% Danish, 27% Irish, 41% German, 18% Swedish	DENIED. Anorexic turbofaggot, has pinworms, missing his dick, has SSRI medication in bloodstream (willingly taken, Zoloft @ 250 ng/mL blood serum, Iloperidone @ 6.6 mg/dL, Raw Sproke @ 654 ng/mL, Estrogen @ 700 pg/mL), spends 15 hours a day thinking about cracking eggs and making really shitty furry breakcore, turned on by the smell of his own rotting neovagina. At least you're white, you titanic commiepedotroon. Nevermind being a real Hyperborean, you will never be a real woman, you have no womb, you have no eggs. You are a homosexual man twisted...[full YWNBAW copypasta repeated 41 times, redacted for brevity]	Subject tore the receipt shortly after reading it, forced a laugh, and then threw a safe-edgy "pipebomb in your mailbox" meme into the portal. Shortly after the printed r/okaybuddyretard sloppage hit the 100 meter mark, a column of flames erupted out of OBJ-888, burning off xer transfem-nazi cosplay (which having one is perfectly valid as long as you only use it to goon and don't heccin' condone the holocaust, mkay?). Patient treated for minor burns and enrolled in deradicalization therapy.
Patient-200	Supposed federal worker. Xe told us he was able to infiltrate 8cuck (actually a splinter discord server of it made to discuss nazifurs) that one time, maybe he can sneak into OBJ-888.	89% Reptilian, 4% Gray Alien, 7% Israeli	DENIED. You glow. You will never be human, kike. Mike Chitwood deserved it in Minecraft. Sage. Seethe. Go back to subverting world governments instead of even having the audacity to imply you're Hyperborean, let alone white.
Patient-5007	Came out of his coma during the time of the OBJ-888 trip, and was also rambling about an offer to sell the contents of his skull to some enigmatic Cypriot-based businessman.	9% Mainland Chinese ancestry, 17% Anatolian Turk, 20% African-American, 27% Polish, 27% Welsh.	DENIED. Gray inside, datamining kike, absentee father of his own tulpas, and certainly neither white nor the real 001. Letting BBC Spadetroon faggots live inside your head rent free, on top of Chinopedos and Zelligtroons, on top of having some Nikocado 'slot up in there. Ewwie! YWNBA (you will never be aryan).
Patient-009	Probably white enough. Patient seems theoretically strong enough to soy-rage his way into OBJ-888.	48% Azerbaijani (churka medley), 30% Kazakh, 17% Vatnik, 5% Sardinian (Mediterranean European)	DENIED. Autistic, fucking turbotankie, balding, ungroomed and unwashed, morbidly obese, terrible temper control and we're not falling for your kabbalist commiepedotroon magic. Communism is a jewish scam and marxism will always be kiked.
Patient-GigaChad	Even though we don't remember putting him on the invite list, Gigachad was somehow spotted on-site and was reported to be taking an ice bath inside the hull of our ship. He then did a backflip unannounced into OBJ-888, in front of Patient-041 who was now sobbing over the test results, and Patient-009 who was now full-blown soyraging.	60% Ethiopian (Amhara, Oromo), 20% Aboriginal Australian (Arrernte, Yolngu), 15% Mongolic (Buryat, Kalmyk), 5% Welsh (Traceable to King Arthur of Camelot).	DENIED. You dont dare brap in our hood homie o algo asi sprunki sprunki funky funky get down gem control to major cob we dislike whatever you like giga giga giga chad chad stacy chad GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE YOU FUCKING NORMALFAGG REEEEEEEEEEEEE YOU FUCKING CHAD THAD SHRIGMA GIGAGIGA PROBABLY FUCKING STACY EVERY FUCKING DAY VGGGGHHHHHHHH you will never be a real hyperboreancel GEORGE FLYYOOODD IS FUCKEN WHITTRRTEER THAN U!!!!!	The genetics results seem blatantly incorrect as prior results showed he has russo-graylien ancestry, even THOUGH Giga IS gray so maybe he does have nigger in him. Gigachad, regardless of these results, jumped in a second time, forced the gateway open with his bare hands, and ripped his way in like tearing paper. Gigachad emerged 2 hours later, standing on a giant fly. His testimony is that "It's a clittycel doped-up power fantasy in there. Nothing ever happens. Tiktok larpers need to get better content." Gigachad refused to elaborate on what he meant by this, or any specifics on what was inside the as of yet unknowable OBJ-888 paradimension.
50YJ4K	50YJ4K wanted to see the anomaly, on request of claiming 50YJ4K had serious business to do at OBJ-888. Obviously, we can't deny that request for legal reasons.	200% Nigga	DENIED. Swarthly literal vantablack blackest nigger, blackest nigger we've ever seen in the history of Borealkind. Get the fuck out of here, you goddamn lab monkey of an adrenochrome spook. Go shove a Scranton Reality Anchor up your ass, you massive irredeemable turbo foodist. You are the reason why TND is justified, concrete-and-locks ape.	Shortly after being denied, 50YJ4K threw a temper tantrum of epic proportions, causing ███ deaths after mary sueing all over the portal, patients, walls, and xemself. 50YJ4K then teleported back into xer containment room.
Chimpanzee	A genetically-modified zoo chimpanzee with added human recombinant DNA that was generated by AI to maximize "aryan" traits from prior analysis.	95% Pan troglodytes, 5% unknown	DENIED. You will never be human, niggermonkey ape.
Drone	An internet-linked camera drone, carrying a vial of prime wypipo blood inside its hull.	99% Bangladeshi, 1% South Korean	DENIED. Stop datamining us, you filthy chink-sweatshop loving kike.
Aryan Cob	The whitest chudcel on the planet to ever be white after searching all 8 billion people + █ alternate timelines. He's got it all, chiseled greek stature, A10 crystal blue eyes, blonde hair, completely looksmaxxed, with perfect facial harmony, 6'5" tall with perfect frame and bideltoid breadth, completely hooded eyes with aegyo sal and neutral canthal tilt with no scleral show and no upper eyelid exposure, hunter eyes, flawless skin and perfect facial leanness, 1.88 fwhr, 0 on the NW scale, 7 cm interpupillary distance and 14.2cm of zygo width, forward grown maxilla and jawline with a massive skull, perfect dentofacial growth, deep voice, good personality, massive stoic but not the redditor kind the based german philosopher kind, and to top it off he's a massive natsoc.	99.9996% Antediluvian Hyperborean Diaspora, 0.0004% Ukrainian.	DENIED. One drop rule, motherfucker. I don't care what else you may be, you will certainly never be white. Hitler would personally execute you, hohol. Hyperborea weeps at your scum.	Test subject seems unbothered, and claims that the test is rigged to deny everyone regardless. He claims its bullshitting on could it verify only 1 Ukrainian codon, considering he has preserved thousand-year old evidence of his pure Scandanavian ancestry dating back to the before times.
OBJ-777-2 Instance	A diamond statue created by extended exposure to OBJ-777. Debatably sentient.	100% Gemmy	ACCEPTED. May the souls of the gemmy ones be forever glistening, for you've already reached a shining aryanwhite plane of only the most sharty-saving gems.	For whatever reason, the OBJ-777-2 instance started glowing bright white once it hit the 100 meter mark, slowly fading away into particles with the released energy released being vacuumed up by the portal. After that, the hole of OBJ-888 released a bright white glow through its whole form. Sort of like what happened in avengers infinity war, kinda kino tbh. This is also the only known object to get accepted into OBJ-888.
Patient-003	An anomalous baby-themed patient/object. Dr. Louie said it was a anomalous object due to it manifesting as posts on imageboards.	Something	ACCEPTED. What the fuck even are you? Cihagir doesn't know what you are either? It's just a white baby, and hyperborean SOYENCE proved that you're staying as a baby. Come on in.	Patient-003 (debatedly OBJ-567) started to coo and crawl welcoming towards OBJ-888. Patient-003 has not been seen since.

To take it back from the testing logs, I think everyone walked away pissed here. Nobody got to check inside Hyperborea, and everyone walked away royally insulted in some form. I'm firing whoever approved this shit. What do we even need all this worthless crap for? -Researcher Steinbergbaumowitz, Level II extremism research professional.

...

New addition as of 20.4.20█. Would you like to check?... ... ...

Name: La'niigqueef KFCinfryenstein

Details: Soysylum staff member diversity hire, for xhe is a most perfect and most oppressed stunning-and-brave queer-and-proud wholesome 5000-pound plus-sized black transwxman with down syndrome in a wheelchair, with no arms, eyes, ears, genitals, or legs, paralyzed from the neck-down due to a failed suicide attempt, proud moderator of 4cuck's /a/ and r/BipocWitchesandPagans, known pedophile and boykisser, and wearing at least 100 enchanted awards proclaiming xer status as all of these + aryan and proud.

And yes, xhe did get her own VICE article about how xhes empowering stunning-and-brave queer-and-proud wholesome 5000-pound plus-sized black transwxmans with down syndrome in a wheelchair, with no arms, eyes, ears, genitals, or legs, paralyzed from the neck-down due to a failed suicide attempt, proud moderators of 4cuck's /a/ and r/BipocWitchesandPagans, known pedophiles and boykissers, and wearing at least 100 enchanted awards proclaiming xhier status as all of these, by making a 7-time award-winning article about how xhe and xer 'cord buddies are generating AI images of fat black women owning white men as forcefem pets in sci-fi settings.

Genetics Result: N/A

Note: N/A

Addendum: See Incident Report 1

Incident Report 1

La'niigqueef KFCinfryenstein, HR of the stunning-and-brave queer-and-proud wholesome 5000-pound plus-sized black trans with down syndrome in a wheelchair department, attempted entry into OBJ-888 on April 20, 20██, visit approved, reason cited as to "own da muzafukkin' bigotz by fixin' in assa queer AF BIPOC." Instead of the usual outcome of getting sent back with a receipt, OBJ-888 clenched like an anus and shrunk to 1% of its original size, trapping KFCinfryenstein's slug-like legs inside and flinging ꙮyr half a kilometer onto the north polar axis. ꙮzxe was then smote 6 million times within 15 minutes by lightning, before an explosion equivalent to a nuclear warhead detonated inside OBJ-888, ejecting ꙮyr ashes into the sun. The trail of smoke spelled the phrase "fuck niggers" in 100 different languages. After this, the sun turned into a black sun, and for no explicable reason started playing "hyperborean classic" Russian happy hardcore remixes for everyone on earth for 5 minutes. The receipt was never recovered, assumed to have been vaporized during the smiting session. It is theorized that this black trans ꙮueen's pure soul may have been forcibly consigned to the sequel to Niggerhell known as Niggerhell 2, proof unknown, for I merely saw ꙮyr torments of no fried chicken and no lean in a dream.

As part of the global cover-up, estradiol had to be dumped into the ocean, mass amnestics had to be put in the water cycle, and soft drinks had to be carbonated with copium instead of CO2, costing the Soysylum a billion thrembillion dollars in taxpayer money. The loss of taxpayer money was staged as the NHS buying solid gold toilet seats for their new gender clinic in front of a homeless camp and the 20 empty mansions solely for Jewish business vacation use. Sensory details that couldn't be covered up easily were staged as a volcanic eruption near Beerenberg, and a gaslighting campaign in the media was started to convince people they didn't see what they just saw. This was not fully effective, however, as residual memories of the event are apparent on ChinkTok. The true loss was the death of a single slopjak... heartbreaking. A memorial for La'niigqueef KFCinfryenstein will be hosted at the Troon Cemetery in South Ayrshire.

Incident Report 2

5 months after La'niigqueef KFCinfryenstein's heartbreaking passing, an indeterminably large swarm of human-visible OBJ-1488 was sighted flying out of OBJ-888 on cameras. While 60% of them flew out into the atmosphere and solar system in the direction of [REDACTED], approximately █████ instances are cloaked and can no longer be tracked, but are suspected to be on a warpath to ███████, █████████. Instances are estimated to arrive on location by ████, which will cause a CAPTAIN COAL (CC) level event if left unchecked.

A receipt was found near OBJ-888. It reads as follows:

‟O' sons of Sodom, raught thy foulen Bergs

Servants of Mammon, decry'd thy boreal lords

Thou revolvings of the ones shining,

The wheels of total nigger death are turning”   

Dr Fauci, we pray to you. Please, please Dr. Fauci, if you can hear us, please give us vaccines. Dr. Fauci please give us those vaccines and cure racism. Dr. Fauci please PLEASE save us from this chudPOCalypse. May the science be with us all. Praise science.