Patient-056

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Asylum Patient
ID: 056
Name: Whiter than you
Threat level: Thrembo, or whatever
Filed: Feb 19, 2024
By: Dr Soyswedeson

Overview[edit | edit source]

ID: 056 or something

Class: Ϫ or whatever

Prescribed Meditation: BBC therapy, or something like that

Containment Procedures[edit | edit source]

All living examples of Patient-056 are to be contained in Site-69, Ohio, within a large and modified Thrembo-class humanoid containment chamber, with walls no thinner than 1 metre and covered in acid-resisting steel or something. An American flag and multiple toilets are to be installed inside the room or something like that. Under no circumstance shall Patient-056 come in contact with a European staff member in order to avoid a possible containment breach or something.

As of 2024, only six living specimens of Patient-056 are contained or something like that.

Description[edit | edit source]

Appearance[edit | edit source]

Patient-056 denotes a mysterious species of biological entities initially recovered on the North American continent or something like that. Their exact origin is still unknown or whatever. However, DNA tests executed on one specimen have revealed the presence of (various) European (56%), Jewish (20%) Cherokee (10%), Sub-Saharan African (13%), East-Asian (5%), and Latinx (6%) ancestry or something like that.

Patient 056’s appearance is very different from that of normal humans or something. The face is greatly deformed, being made of a large pink mouth, two small eyes, a small nose, “impish” ears and a double chin or something like that, yeah. They have an obese body, typically weighing at around 300 kg; despite this, Patient-056 don’t seem to suffer from any major health problems or something. They seem to be physically strong (being able to break walls) but due to their fat body are also very slow or something like that. They seem to be unable to reproduce, and, currently, no female member of the species has been found or whatever.

Behavior[edit | edit source]

Patient-056 possess the ability to speak English (albeit a weird fast-paced version) or something like that. In conversations had with Soysylum personnel, they don’t seem to possess any knowledge on any topic that isn’t related to American history, cuisine, or culture, often losing interest after just a few minutes of speaking, yeah. they are known to end these conversations with these words “or something” or “or whatever” and “yeah” or something like that. For this reason, communicating with the specimen is very hard or whatever. However, something has emerged from these attempts of communication or whatever.

Patient-056 seems to believe there are multiple races of humans, with themselves being the “White” one or something. They are mostly indifferent towards other ethnicities, with three exceptions: African, Jewish, and Western European or whatever. If Patient-056 is contacted by an African Man, they will start talking about “The BBC”, yeah. The meaning of this acronym is theorized to be either “British Broadcasting Station”, “Bright Blue Cat”, or, more likely “Big Black Coal” or something like that. This shows how hecking raycist American society is and why wypipo need to pay reparations NOW, yeah. Examples of Patient-056 are very friendly towards Jewish People, especially Israelis, obeying everything a Jew will say and considering xhem "his greatest ally" or something like that. For this reason, only Jewish Staff are allowed to perform experiments on Patient-056, yeah. On the opposite side of the spectrum, if a Patient-056 and a Western European (Italian/French/British etc) human are to meet, Patient-056 will become notably frustrated, loudly yelling “KILL YOURSELF, OBSESSED FAGGOT” or “WHITER THAN YOU MUHAMMAD” or something like that. This phrase became the namesake of the species or whatever. Patient-056 will always refer to xhemselves as “ARYAN BEASTS” or whatever. After the containment breach of ▊/▊▊/▊▊, Europeans, both patients and doctors, have been banned from ever interacting with Patient-056, yeah.

Diet[edit | edit source]

Patient-056 specimens are very fond of fast-food, generally favoring McDonald's. If Patient-056 is not given its preferred goyslop, it will vomit it out or whatever. If a Patient-056 is not given an Impossible Whopper within 48 hours since the last one, they will get increasingly angry, crashing against the walls of the containment chambers and getting violent with each other. After 72 hours, they will try to escape containment and will become hostile against any human of any ethnicity or something.

History[edit | edit source]

Patient-056 was first discovered in an area near ██████████ or whatever. After being captured, they were moved to Site-69, yeah.

Containment Breaches[edit | edit source]

Patient-056 breached containment two times: the first was after being exposed to an European staff member, the second after being deprived of its daily goyslop (in which case, the 056 specimen was pleading for McDonald's or something). In both cases, they were recovered some hours afterwards sharting themselves near a Walmart or something.