Patient-1997

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Class: BLM

Asylum Patient
ID: 1997
Name: Cracker Cow
Threat level: Soyclid
Filed: XX/XX/23
By: Researcher Steinbergbaumowitz

Description[edit | edit source]

Patient-1997 is a white Guernsey cow.

Containment Procedure[edit | edit source]

Unlike Patient-1996, xe is contained in an actually real 6 kilometer by 6 kilometer grass field outside, which is secured with metal fences. Patient-1997 must NOT be located in the same pen as Patient-1996. Outside the fenced perimeter, there must be real trees planted around it. Speakers playing We Built This Clitty, by Jordan Raskopoulos are hidden within the forest. The trees must NOT be Patient-010 and its descendants.

Every 2 weeks, a randomly selected intern is mandated to enter the cow pen. Wearing feminine items (skirts, dresses, long socks, etc.) is recommended as anything remotely chuddy will cause Patient-1997 to attack.

Addendum[edit | edit source]

In a suburb in Birmingham, Alabama. A white police officer reported a voice constantly yelling the word "cracker" whenever he was near open areas. The suburb had people that were described as "not happy or mad, just gloomy." After the police officer heard the strange voice, he contacted Soysylum personnel and Dr. Louie. In a MP3 recording of the incident, one of the Soysylum personnel was heard screaming and falling into a flaming pit. This "flaming pit", as Researcher Steinbergbaumowitz describes it, is another portal leading into OBJ-333. Soyentists now theorize Patient-1997 created the alleged Alabamian portal to OBJ-333 a long time ago, and is responsible for the civilians gloomy attitudes due to it constantly yelling racial slurs.

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