Patient-367
Patient File ID: 367
Threat Level: Chudclid
Prescribed Medication: High-Fructose Corn Syrup (Intravenous)
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| ID: | 367 |
| Name: | The Screamer |
| Threat level: | Chudclid |
| Filed: | 22nd July 2026 |
| By: | Dr. ████████ |
Patient Description[edit | edit source]
Patient-367, colloquially known as "The Screamer," is a highly unstable patient currently residing in the Soysylum's Maximum Noise Ward. Physically, Patient-367 is a severe anatomical anomaly. His cranial structure constitutes approximately 85% of his total body mass, supported by a remarkably minuscule, almost vestigial torso and limbs. Most notably, his jaw is permanently distended in an extreme, unyielding expression of shock or outrage, and his eyes appear to be migrating entirely off the sides of his skull. A coarse, unkempt ring of facial hair, classified by asylum staff as a Level 4 Neckbeard, encircles his lower jawline.
Patient-367 exhibits severe hyper-reactivity to benign, everyday stimuli. He was officially admitted to the Soysylum after a catastrophic event at a local convention center in █████, where he discovered a vendor was completely out of stock of a limited-edition plastic figurine. The resulting sonic emission from his permanently gaping maw shattered every window within a 3-block radius. He operates on a strict, rigid ideological framework centered entirely around constant media consumption and frequently holds intense, aggressive debates with inanimate objects. When agitated, his jaw unhinges even further, generating a localized sonic boom capable of concussing standard security personnel.
Containment Procedure[edit | edit source]
Patient-367 is to be contained within a 5x5 meter acoustic levitation chamber (Pod #812), lined heavily with industrial-grade acoustic foam, reinforced sound-dampening lead panels, and specialized vibrating floorboards. Due to his disproportionately small limbs, he is unable to walk normally and frequently attempts to rely on continuous high-frequency screeching to propel himself via soundwaves. Therefore, the artificial gravity in his cell must be kept at 0.7G at all times to prevent him from bruising his enormous chin on the reinforced concrete floor.
To prevent a Class-3 "Chimp Out" scenario, Patient-367 must be provided with a continuous, uninterrupted 24/7 feed of controversial internet arguments, heavily moderated forums, and unboxing videos projected directly onto his peripheral vision. If the asylum's Wi-Fi connection drops for longer than 4.5 seconds, his eyes will begin to violently vibrate, and his screeching will escalate to lethal decibel levels capable of rupturing eardrums through standard earplugs. His daily diet consists strictly of pureed Soylent and heavily processed bug-protein slurry, which is to be administered through a high-pressure hose directly into his gaping mouth, as he lacks the fine motor skills in his tiny arms to feed himself.
Any personnel interacting with Patient-367 must wear military-grade noise-canceling headsets and are strictly forbidden from uttering the words "normie," "grass," "sold out," or "canceled" within a 50-meter radius of Pod #812.
