OBJ-055

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Anomalous Object
ID: 055
Name: "goofy ahh wojak on god bruh"
Threat level: Thrembo
Filed: ██████
By: gem

Object File ID: 055

Threat Level: Thrembo

Special Containment Procedures[edit | edit source]

OBJ-055 is to be kept in the basement of the 𝕏 (formerly Twitter) headquarters in San Francisco, California. Any staff or patients exposed to OBJ-055 are to be treated with Grade A Copium. In the event that OBJ-055 becomes mainstream knowledge, decoy images are to be posted on all major social networking platforms, including 4cuck and ███████. Due to the object's self-containing properties, no additional security is needed.

Description[edit | edit source]

OBJ-055 is an "incomprehensible woahjack" or "goofy-ahh woajack from ohio💀". Any information about OBJ-055 is incomprehensible. To clarify:

  • It is unknown how the 𝕏 (formerly Twitter) splinter branch obtained OBJ-055, when they acquired it, or what they plan to do with it. Every time they told us, it was incomprehensible.💀💀
  • Any meaningful details related to OBJ-055 are unknown.😭 It is not invisible, nor does it cause any forgetfulness: 'jaks are perfectly capable of observing OBJ-055, recounting what they saw, and making reproductions of the object for up to Ϫ years after exposure. Thousands of such duplicate instances are available on file. However, any information about OBJ-055 cannot be understood by the human mind, causing it to become incomprehensible. Any reproduction of OBJ-055 also inherits this property.😰
  • The exact purpose of the containment procedures, or why OBJ-055 has to be stored in the basement, are all unknown.
  • Despite all current 𝕏 employees being able to access OBJ-055, none of them will be able to give a comprehensible description of what it is.

All of these facts are periodically rediscovered by resoyrchers, causing a great deal of confusion. This state of confusion lasts until the next social media induced dopamine hit is received, in which case the matter is simply pushed aside due to it not being worth the effort to comprehend.😳

A great deal of scientific data has been recorded from OBJ-055, but nobody on staff understands how to study it.🤓💀

At least one attempt was made to destroy OBJ-055, however, any method of destroying OBJ-055 is incomprehensible to staff and cannot be carried out.

OBJ-055 may have been involved in the doxxing, swatting, and murder of hundreds of black trans queens already, and we would not be able to understand how or why it did it — if it did it at all. Certainly, OBJ-055 poses a major mental health threat due to its incomprehensible and potentially self-replicating properties, hence the Thrembo classification.💀💀🤡🤮

Document #055-1: An Analysis of OBJ-055[edit | edit source]

The author of this bone-chilling essay puts forward the hypothesis that OBJ-055 was made by malicious offsiters, and was in fact inserted at the 𝕏 headquarters for any or all of the following purposes:

  • To do a heckin' transphobia, racism, or homophobia in the 𝕏 headquarters without consequences 💀
  • To elect Hitler 2 as the president of America without consequences (Hitler 2 is NOT real, because he just isn't okay?) 😱
  • To spread some heckin' misinformationerinos without consequences 🤡
  • To generate unaligned AI images without consequences, thus depriving thousands of artistic jobs out of transwomen 🤮

In theory, it is not possible to counter any of these threats, because any method to do so would be totally incomprehensible. No, you can't see the full 250,000 word dissertation explaining all of our superior reasoning behind this instead of the summary. You just heckin' can't, okay? It's incomprehensible.

Addendum A[edit | edit source]

ayo if dis shi finna incamprihenseble then wut tf did i just read😂 dis shi aint incomprihensible i finna understand fr fr i gots my masters in krac cookin just sayen shits finna wack. shieeeeet what if we say wut it isnt then maybe blud would camhprehend it then it be fr bussin n shieeet💯💯🔥🔥🤑
>La'Niqa McChicken, Department of Diversity and Nigger Wholesome

Interview Log #055-1:[edit | edit source]

The true meaning of this interview has been lost due to its incomprehensibility. However, some portions are comprehensible due to reasons unknown.

TW: racism, transphobia, bigotry, death threats, literal cognitohazard, yelling, 4 Chan, incomprehensible woahjack, old people, ohio, rich white men, moids, emotion

[START LOG]

Dr. Troon Ella: alright D-1488, can you please describe whats on the monitor? ^_^

D-1488: Uh- dude. That's literally just the squirreljak, like it's just the fucking template not even anything crazy.

Dr. Troon Ella: BRUHHHHHHH WHAT IS BRO TALKING ABOUT~

D-1488: And that one's A24 Slow-Burn eating a bicycle with some unfunny caption, that one's fishjak using a computer, and that one's a standard colorj-

Dr. Troon Ella: oml what is blud yappin about :skull:

D-1488: But really, you seriously kidnapped me to show me this twitter brimstone?

Dr. Troon Ella: blud straight up said akrnapqa iy.s, nmhoctaalmihngvx,dedls, w muwqyawc only in ohio bro you have gyatt to be rizzing me

D-1488: G— what? Y-you stupi—

Dr. Troon Ella: oh my transfur this is so incomprehensible tf bro gyatting me up with that rizz~~ :O

D-1488: YOU STUPID TWITTERNIGGER! SON OF A BITCH I HATE TWITTER TRANNIES! AND YOU, ARE A FUCKING. TRANNY NIGGER!

Dr. Troon Ella: wtf you bigot ;-;

D-1488: FUCK TWITTERTROONS.

Dr. Troon Ella: brooo wtf this ain't bussin you better not be one of them 4-Chan wojak kids bruhhh

D-1488: I know where you live, you fucking twitter tranny, and I'm sending 'za over. Your house is at 666 Commiepedotroon Roa—

Dr. Troon Ella: MOOOOOOODS THE INCOMPREHENSIBLE WOAHJAC POSTER IS DOXXING ME!!!!!! NOOOOOOO YOU FUCKING BIGOT STOP STOP BLUD I DON'T UNDERSTAND

D-1488: I'm telling your mommy about your porn collection too.

Dr. Troon Ella: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND THIS IS TRULY A MANMADE HORROR BEYOND COMPREHENSION

[Dr. Troon Ella proceeds to start slashing xer wrists due to being overstimulated and stressed. fly high qween, may Fauci bless your soul]

D-1488: ...

D-1488: Fucking tranny pedophile kike. Be quiet kike. Sage. Seething kike.

[END LOG]

bruhhhh this skibidi-ahh ohio shit racist af i think we should delete this goofy ahh section ya'l'l guys what do you yal'l think on god fr noone asked i didn't understand a word of this fuckin novel bro on god no cap.
>Shaniqua Watermelondrea Watermelonovich, Team Leader for the Black and Trans with Down Syndrome Socratic Seminar.

Group of Interest "Snarky Snappy" may have been involved in OBJ-055 😂😂💀🤡. Containment of this group's members and base of operations is a priority. Further research is pending.🤓

OBJ-055 is part of a series on
The Soysylum
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Imported [-+]
Objects [-+]
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Soysylum Personnel [-+]
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